I have been struggling to find my happy place. It makes me a little crazy that this is an issue given that:
I am healthy
My children area healthy
I have a good job
I have a nice house
I have a cute dog
I have great friends
I want for nothing
So what’s not to be happy about, right? NOTHING! And yet – I have struggled.
Giving up Ironman was a real eye opener. I thought I would be relieved and happy to have so much time back and happy not to be obligated but I felt sad. I felt like I was missing out. I felt like I gave up. I’m getting over that now but finding that it was a struggle was a real eye-opener.
And then there is work. I’m grateful to have a job and I work for a good company but work makes me sad all the time. I wonder how I’m going to screw it up or how it will rob me of my free time and maybe some of my dignity every single day. Not a very positive attitude.
I am determined to find my happy place again. Determined to wrestle this mystery demon to the ground. I’m finding that being in the struggle opens me up to hints and advice and observations that help like the one that came to me today via Blogger extraordinaire The Amazing Hip (via Facecrack)
Along the way during this journey we started to realize that the human imagination can sometimes become anemic, depleted by the constant stress of life and worn down by daily worries. We don’t give ourselves enough credit, create boundaries where none actually exist. We write things off too quickly. Dismiss possibilities too easily. We lose some of our fight.
I’m in it to win it, baby. I will live another day to fight on and find my way back to happy.
wow, you have a new blog layout! Who knew?!
I totally hear you.
I would imagine that there is some grieving going on w/ giving up ironman (or if you’re anything like me, endless 2nd guessing.) That’s to be expected, so just give it some time. Nothing is forever, and if you really want to do it, you’ll do it another day.
Work is trickier, although i have many of the same feelings especially that first part. That got better w/ the more experiences I got under my belt. although i’m still pretty convinced i know nothing and everything good that happens is a fluke.
The fact that you have the means and health to even think about entering and training for IM- well, you know the rest.
And you have a job. I just found out I don’t and it’s been a real bummer to find out that I am no longer “qualified” after working with kids for 37 years. Ego blow.
It will get better!
Hang in there. Hugs!
I have every confidence you will get there. And hey, you know what? Feelings don’t give a darn whether or not they are “valid” per our intellectual reasoning. They are what they are beeeeeeeeeecause…that’s what they are.
Which is a rather convoluted way of saying “please don’t beat yourself up over whether or not you ‘deserve’ to feel the way you do.”
(Because why just say THAT, when I could say “blah blah blah blah, blah blah? blah blah! blah! blah blah blah blah!” instead, right?!)
Just hang in there – I often find these phases are necessary for the better bits to come in! I’ve tagged you in my most recent blog post about to appear!