I’m trying to be a triathlete – I really am. I have an event scheduled and it is coming up soon – very soon. Wildflower Olympic distance on May 6. My enthusiasm for this event waxes and wanes hourly. I get excited about going mostly because I get to meet a whole bunch of great bloggers – Carrie, and Tri-Mama and Taconite Boy, the whole RaceAthlete Team , FeLady, and I get to see Jeff again and probably meet SHSMH (at least I hope so) and a bunch of other people I neglected to list. (Apologies in advance if you are one of them. Give a shout out in the comments!) I don’t get excited about doing the event, though. In fact I’m sort of dreading it.
I have not trained for this the way I had intended to. I bought a training book. I was fired up. I had plans! I didn’t follow them – not at all. Part of it was the wedding which took up most of 2 weekends although I did get 1 bike ride and a couple of swims in. I could have done more, though – I really could have and that was only 9 days out of the last 4 months. Mostly it was me just blowing off one workout after another. Especially the running. I’ve logged a grand total of 71 miles this entire year – ugh.
So what’s the problem? Why the reluctance? Wherefore went my zeal and enthusiasm and why, oh why have I replaced it with the dread of humiliating myself on the course and finishing in far more time that I should? Why the self loathing and self flagellation?
I don’t’ know. I really don’t know. Maybe, as Bold has pointed out, I’ve lost my reasons. I had them once. I even wrote about it last November and it seemed so clear. So why do I feel like I’m forcing myself through this?
There are no answers; there are only solutions –
Time to just do it. Too bad about my BrickHouse injury. I was bound and determined to run 6 miles this morning – hard miles with a lot of hills. I got about a quarter of a mile down the road and TWANG! That’s what my sore hammy did. It twanged, it pinged, it did not feel right. I stopped, I stretched, I resumed, it hurt like hell. I walked home. I have continued to stretch and use a roller (the stick) and I took some ibuprofen. I will try this run again this evening. I hope it works. Tomorrow I want to swim and ride my bike. Wed I want to train some more. I want to train with discipline and energy and renewed enthusiasm for Wildflower and I want to let go of the idea that I will humiliate myself and just do what I do. No matter what it is, it will be PR and that’s a good thing, right?