I’m back from a great vacation during which lots of interesting things happened any one of which could provide good blogfodder. That’s not what I’m writing about, though.
Just before I left on vacation I had a date with a guy I really liked – it was a lunch date. At the end of the date we agreed to see each other again. Last night we had dinner. I really like this guy – he is very, very smart and very interesting. At the end of the date he walked me to my car and then he said thanks. He was supposed to bring me a CD to this date and didn’t do it so he said, “next time I’ll have to get you that CD.” We stood there smiling at each other and then he walked away. No hug, no kiss. When I got home I looked on match.com and he was on-line (I was not logged in).
I’m feeling rejected and like there ain’t no way I will ever hear from him again (and like a 12 year old with a big crush on the coolest boy in the class who never even seems to notice me).
What do you think?
I hate dating for this very reason. It’s so hard to communicate with someone you’re dating because you don’t know each other well enough to feel comfortable being straightforward. I wouldn’t feel rejected just yet. The fact that he brought up the CD and said that he would bring it “next time” means that he isn’t writing you off. I really don’t know how to handle these sorts of things, but maybe you should just ask him what he’s thinking (not in a psycho-stalker kind of way). You could call him and say, “hey, I hate dating because there are so many mixed signals. I’d like to see you again, so if you feel the same way let’s schedule something. If you would rather not, I had a great time and good luck”. I don’t know if that’s the best way to say it, but I think being upfront and honest is better than worrying and wondering. I hate wondering.
He could have been shy, didn’t want to force you in any way, did politely wait for you to give him a more obvious invitation… Maybe he was too afraid to make a sudden move that would scare you, because he really really likes you?Maybe he IS too afraid to be the man of your dreams – but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you.[I’m writing this from Sweden and my blogname means “Åsa in the middle of the world”]
He could have been shy, didn’t want to force you in any way, did politely wait for you to give him a more obvious invitation… Maybe he was too afraid to make a sudden move that would scare you, because he really really likes you?Maybe he IS too afraid to be the man of your dreams – but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you.[I’m writing this from Sweden and my blogname means “?sa in the middle of the world”]
Hey, maybe he’s being polite. Or maybe he’s a little old school (or out of practice) and thought your second date (this is also the second time you’ve met, right?) was too soon to start with the kissing.I agree that mentioning next time is a good sign.So if there is a next time, how about you initiate something physical? You’re a modern woman — go for it!Jan
How about you stop your blibber blobbering and TRY to recall that you are GREAT, you are WONDERFUL! FUNNY! VIVACIOUS! SMART! STRONG! INDEPENDENT! The FOXIEST 50 year old I have ever had the good graces to lay eyes on and Mister No-Kissy should BE SO LUCKY. Anybody who can raise genius kids solo, bring home the bacon, run marathons and tell REALLY funny dirty jokes all while talking on a cell phone, drinking a latte and driving stick doesn’t need to keep looking around the party for the coolest one in the room – she’s already it. Jeez mom.
I think…I could never date again. Ever. Which is neither here nor there for this situation.Maybe he’s the shy type? Maybe he found your own smarts to be intimidating? Maybe he’s doing a “guy” thing, having multiple women he’s dating until he settles on one? That’s something my girlfriends and I have groused about, the way we tended to date one guy at a time while the guys would have two or three or ten girls…all of whom thought they were the ONLY date in town…Don’t feel rejected! You are too great a person to be rejected. If it is right, it will click. If it isn’t – who needs it?
Oh my god, can I borrow, or adopt, your daughter??She’s. Just. Brilliant. Here’s what I think:You are running a freakin’ marathon on Sunday, and you trained by yourself!!And he isn’t, and he didn’t!!! The rest of what I think is unprintable, but not because I’m a man-hater. I’m just a date-hater, just like SFTR.