I was raised to kind of hate myself. My mother didn’t really mean to do that to me, it just happened. She kind of hated herself and taught me that I was hate worthy, too. It’s a long story but the good news is, at the age of 61 I’m finally getting on top of it! This whole week has been a shining example of that.
Work has been weird – I’ve been unhappy in my job and pretty vocal about it. I’ve also been passed over for promotion 3 times at this company and it’s been hard. It happened for the third time on Jan 1 but honestly, the act of thinking about something good, something I am grateful for, made it all very bearable. Instead of getting angry because of my fear that the company hates me, I decided to just wait and see and talk to my new manager to find out what’s going on. I managed not to indulge in endless ‘you’re being let go, don’t let the door hit you in the ass’ fantasies and then hating everyone because it was so upsetting (this has been my standard M.O. in the past)
Today we had that talk and she told me that when she learned how discontent I am in my job she felt bad and she was worried. She wants to work with me to find a better position so that I will like my job again and not quit. Whoa! I didn’t see that coming, but neither did I have any trouble accepting it when it happened. This is huge, my friends – huge.
Today was a good day.