Set My Cooter Free!

Daphne Merkin’s piece in the NYT on New Year’s Day entitled “Our Vaginas, Ourselves” is uproariously funny in a skin crawling way.

These are cruel times for vaginas. Lately, as if I don’t have enough to worry about, with the deadline on various unkept 2005 resolutions fast upon me, I have begun obsessing about various aspects of my genital appearance.

She goes on to expose and lampoon (poon- get it?) all the various cooter taming procedures that are becoming so popular – Brazilian wax (oh no – there’s hair down there! remove! remove!), labial sculpting, vaginal tightening and the truly incomprehensible hymen reattachment (because that brand of searing pain just once is not enough – we need more!).

Okay, I confess that I do shave my bikini line and I might even do a little trimming but come at my yoni with a bowl of hot wax and I’ll gouge your eyes out.

All I can say is the very day that someone decides saggy, hairy testicles are a problem in need of hot wax and a knife is the day esthetology will be outlawed across the board. Fight back ladies – set your cooters free!

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5 Responses to Set My Cooter Free!

  1. jeanne says:

    you are too much. omg, i laughed til i cried.

  2. Jessica says:

    Hah….YES! Exactly my sentiments!

  3. Just Tama says:

    OHMYDAWG. I’m laughing so hard…I feel the SAME WAY. Come anywhere near THAT with THAT and I will be FORCED TO HURT YOU!!And yes. Hymen reattachment – what the…?! No please, thank you. Once was MORE than enough.

  4. David says:

    Hot wax on the scrotum is not my idea of good time. Now somebody did talk me into letting a knife get close once but that was just to prevent more of my kind to walk the Earth.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Well, have not had my balls waxed but, I am known to shave my balls and keep it really clean around the area. I appreciate a nice clean shaving cooter too. You can’t go wrong with a clean shave. At least from most guy’s prospective.

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