I learn something new every day

If you just keep your eyes open and your ears clear of wax you can learn something new every day. Today I was looking at what search strings had brought people to my blog when my eyes fell on tingle condom site:blogspot.com. These things really exist. I had no idea being as I’m not having sex these days and, at the rate things are going will never again have sex with a man.

If I did get lucky I’m not sure I’d want to enhance my experience with that sort of minty freshness. First of all they are apparently green. A penis coated in green doesn’t really get my juices flowing in spite of the marketing blurb on the box that says “Bright, vivid color enhances the experience”. For me it brings to mind those barrel shaped jars of giant pickles you see in the Deli and I don’t really like pickles. Second of all minty tingling vaginal walls? I don’t know…. I’m not excited. In fact, I have visions of Icy Hot up the cooch and the vista is not pleasant. It looks like me, naked, dancing around screaming “Oh my God – it burns! it burns! Make it stop!!!” Now I might think that those little goodies would make certain oral acts more pleasurable if it weren’t for the matter of the lubricant. A mouth full of minty K-Y? I’m not convinced that this constitutes sensual as my only experience with mint jelly is putting it on lamb. I am now a vegetarian and even if I weren’t I don’t think I would eat lamb or veal.

To summarize – minty tingle condoms make me think of giant pickles, a burning cooch, and Easter, a holiday that always freaked me out if I really thought about Jesus and his nail bloodied extremities rising up out of the ground.

So what am I missing? Can someone please tell me?

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4 Responses to I learn something new every day

  1. Jessica says:

    This is so funny to me…I am constantly amazed by what brings people to my blog. Some of which really concerns me.

  2. Suzanne says:

    How exactly DO you find out what the search strings are for your blog?? I’ve never tried looking before, but i’d guess it would have to be something like, “cat barf”!

  3. 21st Century Mom says:

    You learn what search words have been used to find your blog by getting a StatCounter account and putting the StatCounter code in your template. Then you can obsess over how many hits you (haven’t) gotten and how people have found you blog. Big time fun!

  4. HumblyAnn says:

    As far as the condom thing goes, they’re not MENTHALATED or anything. Less like burning and more like tingling (I’d bet). But I’m with you on the color:pickle analogy. I’m also unsure about the new trend of “warming” lube. Anyone with half a brain should be able to figure out what makes that warming sensation upon application, and who really wants a chemical reaction all up in her business?

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