I read an article in the New York Times on Sunday about college kids playing beer pong. I have no issue with drinking games – they’ve been around forever. I’m only midly annoyed that the beer companies are sponsoring tournaments and then claiming “Bud Pong was not intended for underage drinkers because promotions were held in bars, not on campuses. And it does not promote binge drinking, she said, because official rules call for water to be used, not beer. The hope is that those on the sidelines enjoy a Bud.” Yeah, sure.

No, what struck me as truly reprehensible is that there are companies that sell official drinking paraphenalia and these kids buy it! Urban outfitters sells a little drinking game kit called “Bombed”. Amazon sells one called ‘The 19th Hole“. But worst thing of all – the very most shocking thing I found is that there are companies that make beer pong tables and they have sold thousands of them. Now tell me, exactly how difficult is it to put 5 cups of beer in a triangle shape at either end of a long table? For this you need to spend hundreds of impoverished college student dollars so you have something slick and colorful complete with personalized logo! with lines to show you where the cups go? I think not. Do you really want your drinking and your idenity to have that close a personal relationship? I mean really, what does that say about you? (hint – it says “I’m totally lame”).

When I was in college we would have told corporate America to take their beer pong tables and shove them up their capitalist asses and then we would have engaged in a thinking person’s drinking game – Bizz, Bang, Buzz. Or not. Mostly we didn’t need our drinking organized or competitive – we just drank. We drank, we got randy with each other, we puked, we slept it off and then we did it again. No beer pong, no beer bong, no call to 911 because we slammed 20 shots and then let a whole 6 pack go down our throat before we knew what hit us, no passing out spread eagled with no panties on. But I digress.

Kids wake up! You are alarmingly co-opted by the Man. This is worse than heroine. First it’s designer jeans and then it’s a a beer pong table then it’s a flat screen TV, then it’s a McMansion in the ‘burbs with an H2 in the driveway and whoa nelly – you are screwed. You are a slave to the man so you can have all the stuff you’ve been convinced you need. You don’t need that crap – trust me.

Here’s another hint – RESISTANCE IS NOT FUTILE! You do not need to have fancy props to get drunk and have a good time. You just do a few 12 oz curls and bingo you’re flirting with the hottie across the room and life is good.

Get over your juiced up consumerism. Just pour some suds and have some fun.