What is it with men and their ridiculous sense of immortality? I was cruising an on-line dating site and found man after man after man who, at the age of 50+ happily pronounces that he’s looking for a mate because he’s finally ready to start a family.
I’m sure plenty of people can pipe up and say that his or her DoD is that old or that her spouse was 54 when the first kid was born and it is wonderful and I’m sure it is – for the parents. I’m sure parents that old are great for kids – as long as they are healthy and alive. But here’s an irrefutable fact for you. If you are 60 when your kid is 10 then you will not likely be around for long if at all as a grandparent,. If you are 60 when your kid is born and your kid waits until he or she is 30 to procreate then you are, at the very least going to be very, very old when that grandchild is born.
I have a hard time with that. I really do. I have a really, really hard time with men in their 50s and 60s and 70s fathering children. I just do. I’m a little chagrined to say that because I know there are lots and lots of women who for one reason or another can’t start a family until they are in their early 40s and I have no problem with that at all. In fact, I have no problem with a woman of 42 who has a spouse of 52 starting a family. What I have a problem with is a guy who just screws around being totally selfish until he is in his mid-fifties finally deciding he wants to get married and have a family. I would venture to say that 9.5 times out of 10 he is not looking for a woman who is at the cusp of her childbearing years – he is looking for a woman in her 20s or 30s. Or there is the other model that just frosts my chaps – they guy who has a mid-life crises, dumps his life long faithful wife who stood by his side and raised his children, and then marries some young hottie and starts a second family. I say that even though I have a friend in that category. I still think it is just plain wrong.
Of course there is that element of ‘if all of the men my age are looking for young women to procreate with where does that leave me’ only that isn’t it because men who think like that are not my type (good thing, eh?!)
Anyhow, what do you think?
Thanks, 21CM, for your comment re: my sister. Now, on to your post…I’ve always felt that men who do that – procreate so late in their life are a bit selfish. I have three friends whose fathers were “older” when they were born and their fathers have been dead for years. It just seems unfair. The first thing I thought of when I read your post was, “Tony Randall!”
I quite agree with you — men in their second childhood, or maybe adolesence (sp?)– it must be nice to decide, hey, I want to make a baby now, without having to endure the whole 9 months of growing the child, going through labor and so forth. Men’s contribution to procreation isn’t exactly one that ties them down. All I can say is, if an older man seeks a younger woman w/whom to have a child, he better have damn good life insurance, because, chances are, the wife and kid are going to need it.As for me, for various reasons I have never wanted a biological child of my own, which makes the dating scene so much more entertaining for women in their mid-40s, when the men I meet are desperate to make a family, and it’s clear I’m incapable/unwilling to throw myself and my body into Mommy mode.
Coming from the 20-something crowd, expecting my first, it’s very, very difficult to see my friends meeting men who are obviously old enough to have fathered them looking for ‘serious committment’ and can throw their money around. It must be incredibly defeating for men in their 20’s and 30’s to lose out time and time again because said Mr. Longtimer is willing to buy his beautiful new girlfriend a car or jewelry. My middle sister-in-law married a man 12 years older than she is and they started a family. I can’t even begin to phathom why a man close to 40 wanted kids (after all, his lifestyle was incredibly impressive) and when his kids are actually out of the house, he’ll be ready for retirement and might just need them again. Ah well, such is the luxury of free choice. Love your blog!
Hiya, 21CM – just a comment to let you know that I’ve posted your questions in the comments section of my interview post. Happy responding!