Love me Tinder, Love me True

tinder-logo
Have you ever seen these crazy advertisements gone wrong.  The product is in the picture but the message is all wrong – so wrong.

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If you are having trouble making the right connection on Tinder or any other dating site, it might be for the same reason – the message is all wrong and when it comes to online dating, the medium is the message and the message is key.

DisclaimerThis post is written to the older gents – those in the 46-55+ bracket (which is as high as the settings go)  and  is based on my not inconsiderable experience with Tinder.  Much of this probably applies to both genders and most age groups but I can only go with what I know.

Here are some suggestions of what not to put in your profile.

tinder-fish

Fish! You guys sure love your fish.  From my vantage point, 60% of the men on Tinder post pictures of themselves holding a fish.  What am I to surmise from this? That you ” fish I’d go on a date with you”. Or maybe you are hoping I’ll be thinking “Hey baby, can I touch your fish, can I stroke it?” Or maybe there are a zillion single guys looking for a fishing partner.  I don’t know but I don’t fish so not a winner for me.

Hard living – many of you have either done some damned hard living or you are lying about your age.  I am endlessly surprised by how old you 52 year olds look. You boys need some sleep and good food!  On the plus side you are using recent pictures so good for you!  Honesty really is the best policy.  If a younger woman wants to date you, your age won’t matter.

tinder-solThe comfort of one’s own skin – Many of you want us to know that you are ‘comfortable in your own skin’ or that you are looking for a woman who is comfortable in hers.   Yes, I know it means you are self confident and/or you want a confident woman but there’s always that nagging Silence of the Lambs thing in my head.  Who else’s skin would you or I be in?  Amiright?

Main pic of you in a mask – pretty much screams “serial killer”. See above.

tinder-br-selfie  Half Naked : Hey – nice abs (sometimes, sometimes not so much)  If you are very vain or just in it for a hookup please leave those pictures up.   And do I even need to mention mirror selfies in the bathroom?  NO!!  just no. Ew.  I don’t even know you so I do not want to be in the bathroom with you in any way, shape or form.  Don’t do it!

 

 

Pictures of your thinly clad junk – Whoa!  Only the well endowed do this so thanks for the reminder that there are giant sausages to hide but surely there’s more to you than that.  NTTAWWT but most of us need a little brains to go with that brawn.    Come on – say something witty to go with all that swinging meat.   Fortunately I have yet to see unclad junk on Tinder although I have been sent dick pics. Please don’t do that – not a turn on.

Those hunky college pics – Many of you post pictures of yourself as a youngster, a hunky 20 something, a boy in short pants, an Eagle Scout, a super cool college dude.   Hey baby, you WERE hot.   So was I.  Days gone by, bro.  Live with it and if you can’t live with it then you clearly have a vanity problem.  Not attractive.

 tinder-bassYour face and only your face – If you post only a picture of your face and have nothing to say about yourself then I’m going to figure there’s nothing to say.  Not your strongest opener.  Very effective if you are just looking for a hookup, though.  It’s all about that face, ’bout that face, ’bout that face.  Make sure yours is good enough to pull in that right swipe.

Where have I heard that before?  “glass half full”, ” or “everything X has to offer” be it life, nature or the area you live in, or “living life to the fullest”.   Where would music be if all musicians just went with the same riff?  You can do it!  You can write something about YOU!  And if you can’t you can hire someone who can.

And what about once you’ve got a match? What then? 

Otinder-matchne Word Opener –  Sending a woman who swiped you back a message that says “Hi”  or “Hi cutie” or “Hey there lovely” is a very strong indication that you  are  very lazy and a guy who is too lazy to format a reasonable email is probably really lazy in bed. Don’t be that guy.
The Interrodate™- You know  the one where you grill each other right out of the gate about your former relationships, how long have been single, do you get along with your ex, how many kids do you have, what kind of a relationship are you looking for, blah, blah blah…..  It’s tedious and invasive and makes dating a chore akin to a job interview.  If you met someone at a party and thought you might like to get to know her you would not likely rip off your shirt, whip out your fish and ask her a lot of personal questions.   Make life a party!  Talk about what you like to do for fun, a movie you’ve seen recently that you liked, tell a joke and see if she laughs.  Figure out if you are intellectual equals, if you like each other’s sense of humor.  You can get to the gritty stuff later.

In the meantime, keep on fishin’.

 

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This entry was posted in dating, Lessons Learned, say what?. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Love me Tinder, Love me True

  1. Juls says:

    Funny post. Kinda sad too. There’s got to be a few good guys out there.

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